A VERY wordy pre-assessment run-through

I’ll talk first about what’s on the wall- this is sort of where I am at the moment. I haven’t really reached any conclusions, but I feel that my work has started to say what I want it to- I’ve realised the position I’m in and where I’m coming from. So on the wall in the frames are... Well they’re both finished prints, and I’ve selected them because that was kind of the point in my printmaking, and my making, that again I was doing what I wanted to do, and the work was saying what I’ve been trying to say all this time, which was combining all of these places. I think place is my obsession; it’s all that I think about. And what I really want to do is bring all of these places that are geographically disparate and make them into one thing that I can see, and I can hold, to make it a little less frightening that they’re so separate. But I think what I especially liked about these prints as well was the process involved. I really like process.... I feel like to get anywhere you have to do a lot of things first... And the prints say that to me, even if they don’t to other people. Because obviously the process isn’t that evident. So they’re made by taking photographs of these dioramas that I made, which were created again in order to make all of these places one, and then combining these. So actually, in these single prints is a LOT of work, and a lot of place, and a lot of attachment to place I think.

So that’s what they mean to me...By seeing these prints and everything that’s gone into making them, and all the feeling that my heart is in all of these places... It’s very evident to me in these prints. And while that’s obviously not necessarily visible to an audience, that’s not really an issue. I realise that an audience is going to take something different from my work, and I think they can be appreciated aesthetically. I think they’re beautiful prints, and I think they summon an imaginary kind of landscape. But I also do think that there’s that feeling of layers, and palimpsest and memory attached to them. So I’m please with them, and I’m pleased that that’s where I’ve reached in my thoughts. So it’s about combining real places, combining imaginary places... And I think the overriding theme was to bring my life together into one understandable thing.

So all of this stuff on the wall, which is always on the wall, this is my process... Which I don’t think I realised quite how important it was until Edith actually spelled it tout to me. It’s a really intense thing. But what’s also on the wall, that little shelf, I made this book. Throughout this project I’ve been writing and making imagery, and doing all this stuff, and I wanted to combine it into a book... Or into something that could be reproduced and shared with other people that tells a story about what I’m doing, alongside this other imagery. But I wanted to make something that wasn’t too specific, and doesn’t give away too much of myself, in the hope that it could be sort of universal, and that I could also keep something for my own, that could still be a secret. So it’s been a kind of a cathartic process, in a way, letting these bits out a little a time... Releasing these pieces of myself without giving away too much. But the process isn’t over. That’s been an important part of it, about sharing this thing. And I also think it’s really good for me to produce something other than just these things that could be viewed as ‘pretty’. Because I’m more than that, I’m a thinker, and I think my work is more the thought that’s behind it, so I found that really important.

Obviously there are the models. They were quite recent as well; I think they were my eureka moment. Using this material that I’ve never used before, and that I’ve really enjoyed... I think cardboard is so simple and underrated, and you can do whatever you want with it. Make something 3D that’s a bit cute, and a bit playful. And the reason that I made these was so that I could create a landscape without just painting a picture or whatever, and something that you can kind of step into... Like a little stage. So two of these are scenes from out of my head, imaginary places for me to inhabit. There’s an element of fantasy there; I think there always is in my work- I’m only living half in reality. The white one, which is obviously a series of places... They’re all real places that mean something to me, and I made these templates from my own memory of these paces. And that was very much about... By making these places into one model, I was bringing them together into one landscape that you could view as one... Imagining that all these places are in one country, and one landscape that you could travel. I think it was really significant to do that... I mean, that’s the point. It’s their geographical separation that troubles me so much. It’s something that I want to do more of, making these models. And I also like that I could then go on to use them in my prints, rather than them just being what they are.

What I’ve also made, there’s obviously this pile of books and journals... I made those because I wanted to keep all of this information that I’ve gathered, and I like being able to present it in a different way. Obviously there’s this stuff on the wall, but there’s a LOT of information left over, and I think it’s important for me to have these archives that I can look through and remember what I was thinking about- These things that you might otherwise forget, or not realise how significant they are. It’s about documentation, and collecting... Keeping this story. I made this one while I was in Laugharne, which is in Wales, and it’s where Dylan Thomas lived. So it’s a really special place to me, not only because my family live in Wales, and I went there with my family, but because it was kind of a pilgrimage for me because I’m so inspired by Dylan Thomas, as an artist, and I do feel that his work has influenced mine since... Always. So by making this book I documented my feelings, and the things that I collected on this trip. And that was a really great experience doing that; I did it for the Big Sneak too, and it was just really fun. It was really fun being able to document it in that way, which was like half reflective journal, but also like an artefact in itself. It’s been another thing that I’ve tried, and I’ve liked. And it obviously went on to prompt me to make this book that accompanies the prints that I made.

There’s obviously also this initial stuff that I began way back at the start of the first term... Still thinking about place, but thinking about a single significant place- what qualifies it as a place of significance... Why is it so important for me? Why do I hang onto it? I enjoyed that, but it didn’t really work for me because I felt that my heart was in so many places, and there was no way I could concentrate on this one thing and say ‘Yeah, that means something, and I really want to talk about it’, when there’s so many other places that are sort of equal in significance to me. I think my heart just was... Is, continues to be in so many places ... The whole point in this was that I don’t feel that I can just stay in one. But what came out of it was this painting, which I think does work for me more because it’s less about a specific place, more the essence of it, the evocation of this place, and remembering it. But it’s quite sort of vague, and airy... More like a wisp of memory, rather than geographically specific. This was the initial direction that I was going in, and I didn’t take it, I went somewhere else because by looking at that I realised it wasn’t really honest, or enough...

The same thing, I went to this derelict building and explored it, and made these monoprints and took objects and photos... And as before, it was focusing on this single place of fascination and drawing all that I could from it, which just wasn’t enough. But I had these ideas of regrowing a place from things that I’ve taken from a place, be they objects or memories or whatever... And I like that idea, I like being able to keep something very tiny which means something huge. But in this instance, it wasn’t sort of.... nourishing enough.

And obviously in the Lobby I’ve got the stuff form The Big Walk. Firstly, I’ll talk about how it’s laid out... And this was from speaking to Edith, and after I rearranged what’s going on in the studio. There’s a lot of stuff going on in the Lobby from all of us, and I think this was because of the desire to make something honest and real, because that’s exactly what it was. And The Big Walk project that we did was all about landscape and duration, which was something that especially Didge and I became particularly obsessed by, and decided to experiment with endurance once a month for an event. So we did the 24 Hour Clock in October, and then Didge and I did The Big Sneak in November that I made a little book about, and then we did that walk in December, which was 12 hours. And it was really nice having the element of teamwork in there... I think a lot of my work is quite insular, and focused on what’s going on inside me, so I think walking like that with people ,and experiencing that landscape as a group was really exciting actually, and made for a really different experience. And then going on to work in a group afterwards, and discuss and unravel this experience also altered it and made it into something really sort of chunky, and rich in information and memory, and inspiration.

We were just able to completely immerse ourselves into the landscape- push our bodies and minds. It was just all about walking, and especially because we decided to walk under the full moon, so anything could happen, but walking at night, it gave us a completely different perspective, and allowed us to use our other senses. So it was about feeling, and about trusting each other, and trusting the landscape and our preparations- of which there were a lot! In terms of what we wore, what we were about to do to our bodies- walking 25 miles, which was quite exciting- food... All the things like that, and also documentation. Because we didn’t just document through photographs, as is evident, we did it through drawing, or recordings, or talking.. All the things like that. So I think it kind of runs tandem to what I’ve been doing in the studio. In the studio there’s been all of these places; it was very much about place, and geography, and my associations. And then this, The Big Walk, was about my body, and mind, and sharing the experience of treading the landscape that we currently inhabit. So there were very different associations connected to each one. One was all about nostalgia, and memory, and being melancholy. And The Big Walk was more a celebration I think of what we were doing. So it’s quite a bittersweet place to leave this project really... because there’s the good and the bad, and it’s not over... But it’s a nice little stopping point, I think.